I wanted to take a moment to apologize to anybody that may have been upset by a previous post I made about me actually having a heart. I realize now that it sounded a little bit as if I were lashing out at somebody, but to be truthful, I was only making a sarcastic joke about myself. I thought at the time that I was only self-deprecating myself but apparently others here did not take it that way.

I may be wrong on that and perhaps it was me saying that my own mother is heartless as I was trying to say my mom is one of the few who has to deal with situs inversus, which is true. Please don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but I do think that she is a little heartless, so yes, I did intend what it sounded like. Why is it that I think that she is heartless? Well, here is what I have to say.

When my sister was married the first time, her and her husband were living in Texas to be closer to his family. When Christmas came around, they ended up spending their first Christmas with his family. This was the first Christmas that our family was not entirely together. Because of this, my mom stopped talking to my sister for nearly a year. My sister and my mom did eventually get along again until my sister got divorced for the second time. My sister had her reasons for this, but my mom did not agree with her reasons, so she completely disowned her from our family. They still talk from time to time but not like they used to.

Removing one daughter from her family was not enough. My mom and I had a argument back in 2006. At the end of the argument, she told me to leave and never come back and never call again. After a year and a half, my dad finally stepped in and brought us together to talk again. It was never a caring conversation again like we had in the past. I always felt as if I was talking to someone who completely despised me but was forced to be nice to me when I was around. We never were able to regain the relationship the way it used to be.

Two years ago, my mother-in-law was diagnosed with cancer and going downhill very quickly. My husband and I were the only ones who were capable of taking her in and caring for her. We ended up missing my family's Thanksgiving and Christmas that year since we were caring for my mother-in-law. Taking her with us three hours away, when her family was all close to here was not an option. My mom was furious at the fact that we could not make it for the holidays for her own sake.

In July of last year, my mom decided to host a family reunion. By this time, my mother-in -law was in a hospice program while living with us. She was having a nurse come every other day to check on her. Once again, we could not make it. You would think that an oncology nurse would understand. Nope, she once again told me to never show my face around her, and never call ever again. In October of last year, three days before her 76th birthday, my mother-in-law passed away.

Now that my mom has disowned both of her children, my aunts and uncles, her brothers and sisters, were quite upset with her. Because they did not agree with her, she no longer talks to them either.

My mom seems to remove everybody from her life that does not agree with her completely. This is why I feel that my mom is heartless. I have ignored her request to stop calling her. I call her almost once every week. I have not entirely worked her back into my life and I know our relationship will never be the same as it was years ago, but I still love my mom and still need her.

I am sorry for the long rambling post, but I felt it was necessary to apologize and explain why it is I said what I did. I hope that those that I have hurt can forgive me. I do not like feeling as if I have hurt someone else.

Alaina