Dearest Vintagewine,

I am terribly sorry to see you having such a hard time and feeling so bad emotionally. I understand. I'm sure we all do. I love life and have a good one. Yet in spite of that and a family to be here for, I too got in a very dark place for a time where I just wanted the pain to stop even if it meant my not being around anymore. I am glad you felt comfortable saying how bad you've been feeling. Depression and anxiety can go hand in hand with chronic pain, even for those who are normally very upbeat.

Have you expressed feeling suicidal anywhere but here? Do you have support who would understand? Please don't suffer with these feelings alone. Reach out to someone next time you feel you might act. Please get professional help before that point. Go to your local mental health hospital if needed. You can also come to the Survivors of Suicide thread if the need is for expression and not emergent. You are precious and we care about you.

Do you have a therapist? I needed professional help to get out of those feelings. I ended up wishing I had gone sooner. I don't know why I waited so long except I kept thinking I would get better physically and not need it. My therapist utilized EMDR and hypnosis and not only helped me move forward but gave me better coping skills for pain. If you need an antidepressant there are some to consider such as cymbalta and nortriptyline that help with nerve pain as well.

I think you know where I stand on ketamine infusions. They have been helpful for my case. I had asked about lidocaine infusions and my doc did not think they were as helpful for our kind of pain.

Perhaps it is time to consider infusions. I don't remember if you had any nerve blocks or not. Lit Love has mentioned in the past having good luck with them for stopping spread.

I hope you feel better soon. I am sending hugs and surrounding you with love,