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Old 10-19-2015, 02:51 AM
stillstanding stillstanding is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 4
8 yr Member
stillstanding stillstanding is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 4
8 yr Member
Default Logic Versus Emotion

Though I am new to this support group, such a group is not foreign to me. Years ago, I found much support and information on a site that Mass Gen. Hosp. sponsored for Spinal Disorders....don't know if this is sponsored by them or not. Now I find myself in a position of uncertainty and frankly fear. A friend said it sounded like I had post traumatic stress disorder. That had never entered my mind. Maybe I do. Regardless, let me share with you my situation. I am fused from L3-S1 and fused C4-C7. Currently, I have moderate to severe stenosis at L2, failed fusion at C6-7 (held in place by titanium plate, fusing bone non-existant). Additionally, recently being a victim of a hit and run car accident, I have mild bulging discs at C7-T1, whiplash, torn shoulder labrum and partial rotator cuff tear, torn tendon at T7, and predislocation syndrome of a toe on my left foot initiated by the impact topped off with 2 docs erroring on the side of caution that I have mild CRPS...Complex Regional Pain Syndrome ignited by the accident. A mess, huh? Now here is my dilemma:

In 2000 I had a spinal cord stimulator placed for chronic pain and it gave me back my life. It was in place for four years. However, each time the battery was surgically treated for placement or replacement, my body tried hard to reject it. The incision site would bubble to the point of breaking a stitch or two and seep. It took weeks to heal. In 2004, after such a situation, the incision developed a staph infection. By the time, I was taken to surgery, I had multiple abscesses in my bum and up the lead wires in my back. The stimulator and leads were removed and two emergency surgeries were needed to clean out the abscesses. The wounds in my bum and lower back were so large and deep, a wound vac was placed on them and a pick line was inserted into my arm for the meds needed to fight the infection. The after-pain was horrendous. I was sent home and had the care of a home nurse who came 3 times a week to clean out the wounds and flush the pick line. I had to take fentynal in order that the nurse could touch me. I was so traumatized that I cried like a baby when she came into my bedroom. It took 10 weeks for the wound to heal. My doctor was so upset about the infection that he cried as he apologized. It was a tough time.

The pain control regiment used after the stimulator fiasco, was a Fentynal patch with percocet for break-through pain. After some years of that routine, I decided to withdraw from all pain meds. I did not like living with a foggy head. Surprisingly, once off all meds, my pain has been manageable. Sadly, the car accident sparked new pains and aggravated old ones.

Thus my new pain doc wants to place another spinal cord stimulator into my back. I cannot tell you how terrified I am of this! I understand the logic for it but my emotional reaction is almost uncontrollable. The panic is something I have not had before and don't know how to deal with it. The doc sent me home and asked me to pray about having a new and more sophisticated model put in. I promised I would do that. And I have been praying but my gut reaction remains the same. Has anyone here figured out how to overcome such fear?

Judy
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"Thanks for this!" says:
Lara (10-19-2015)