hi Saffy

you sound like your in a good place
i am happy for you and family
to have a mommy and partner
i just lost my municipal job this past April
with insurance
this has been very difficult to accept
there is no chance of a 9 to 5 job
my body also so screwed up
no doctors will do anything
and to be totally honest with you
i wouldn't ever have surgery
i am so done
my implants after breast surgery botched
and my dog is with my estranged eldest child
i have my seventeen year old
still yet to get her diploma
my granddaughter
my saving grace
my children living their own lives
my granddaughters mother is in a re-hab again i
continue to hope it happen one day sooner then later

i am trying to fight not only pain that takes me down
so badly i do not want to be here
doc added a quick 5mg oxycodone in my morning
dose with two more to follow in the day
what this has done was lift the pain enough in the morning
i will stick around
i promised my children i will not ever kill myself
yet i do not get the help from them as i very much deserve
and i too miss my dog

i hope to get to where you have gotten
it is a very slow long process
no money other than SSD child support
and all of it is gone to the obligations
my credit card bills from when i was working
and was able to make double payments
to minimum
when Corissa turns 18
everything becomes financially screwed
i won't be able to pay my obligation
so i don't know what to do
the water works already starting
i'm so frightened
for so many reasons
and i have no real outlet
i won't be able to make it
and the fear of getting older
and forever on meds
i don't know Saffy
i'm hanging on with the strength of
God the Father

keep smiling
be happy
happy family is well
love
me