I took 1mg of Klonopin at 3:30 on Friday and wasn't terribly concerned about the weekend after that, but it didn't help cover for my husband's road rage the whole 2hr drive to the facility.

The location was in a rural area and the building was in an old 1700's highly renovated bed and breakfast. When my husband saw it, he thought it looked very sketchy lol. And asked me if I was sure if I still wanted to go. I offered to have him come in to check the place out before he left me there, but he passed.

It was very comfortable inside and there were only 10 of us because it was Halloween weekend. Apparently they usually get up to 30. I was one of 3 women. I would have had a hard time moving around with 30 people there because some areas were tight and it probably would have greatly added to my anxiety. The stairs were a non-issue.

3 of the men had just gotten their 2nd DUI, one had gotten his 3rd. One young man was there because of driving while on heroin. He told (only me) that he had 6 felony convictions because of heroin, but I was not uncomfortable around him. He was very sad most of the time.

The classes were about alcohol education. I was surprised that what was presented was aimed at moderate drinking and how many drinks were safe to have before getting behind the wheel. I kinda get this because the majority of the people there are going to continue to drink, but almost nothing presented was advocating abstinence.

We had to write about our DUI's and read our stories to the class. Before I read my story, I told the them that they may have questions and they should feel free to ask them when I was done. I admitted I was bipolar and was manic at the time (I left out the s/s attempt). I admitted I was an alcoholic and the relationship between the two. I told my whole story and owned my DUI- bipolar or not. The only question that was asked was "what bizarre things did you say to the cops?" My response was, "since you are only asking that for your own amusement, it's none of your business."

After I told my story, one man told me he was also bipolar, and one of the women told me she has BPD. They both talked about how these things affected their alcohol issues, so being honest touched at least 2 people. I figured the odds were pretty good in a setting like that that at least one other person was bipolar whether they would admit it or not anyway. The same guy who asked about the bizarre comments later told me that he didn't believe in antidepressants and spewed a bunch of other nonsense. I don't bother arguing with those kind of people. I just told him he was ignorant and when he got especially rude I told him to go (expletive) himself. He didn't bring the subject up again, and surprisingly there was no residual tension.

About 2hrs were spent on the subject of denial. More time should have been spent on this subject. I'd say about 4/10 of us (myself included) actually took responsibility for our actions. The rest blamed bad luck or spewed blatant BS. Some of the stories being told while I was outside smoking were focused on drugs and drinking stories and it was clear that most of these people were in denial and didn't get it, but yes, there is such a thing as bad luck and big mistakes and I believe that it happened to 1/10 who was honest.

I am shocked as (expletive) at my behavior. I had to take less Klonopin because of the length of the classes and the MS wall (thank God they had coffee from 6am-9pm), but I wasn't at all uncomfortable being around all those people. I had no trouble speaking up in class and I spoke to EVERYONE on breaks, during meals, and after class. In my interactions with other people, I realized that they had no idea that there was anything wrong with me until I made the disclosure. Even then, they treated me no differently. I have no idea where all that courage came from...

Not one person asked about my scar, although it was being scoped out and it was probably discussed when I wasn't around. But I didn't care.

I'm proud of myself.



I have to pay $100 and get special insurance to satisfy the state of NH which will probably be tricky since I'll be carrying MA insurance because it's my home state (but it can be done) and I can get a clearance letter from NH.

Then I have to present paperwork (including the clearance letter) to MA at a reinstatement hearing at the DMV (really not a big deal) and pay $100 to try to get my license back in MA.
Unfortunately, sometimes MA will independently suspend your license for another year and you have to fight that, but the class I just took should help there. But I may have to hire a lawyer to settle that score. I'd imagine the fee wouldn't be that expensive since they would only be representing me in a DMV hearing.

No matter what, I'm one step closer to getting my license back.