I totally agree with Debi. I've lost other family members and while it was terribly sad and difficult it's not the same as losing a spouse or lifetime partner. Just nothing compares. Nothing.
I was with my Dad when he passed away. I was not with my husband. I used to beat myself up about that but there was nothing I could have changed or done any differently that would have altered the outcome. I've learned to live with that.
I was/am so thankful that I got to be with my Dad. I was a "Daddy's girl" all my life (I was the baby) and being with him just seemed right.
I can tell you that from my own experiences with grief and death you will ponder and question every decision you make or have made. It's enough to drive you loopy but I guess it's just part of it. Did I do enough? Was I there too often or not enough? Did I talk enough or maybe he just wanted me to be quiet? Did I ask him enough if he had everything he needed or was I just "there" and didn't do enough? Argh!!! I can tell you now that whatever you do or have done is just right.....just enough. Please don't waste precious energy on second guessing yourself. You do the best you can and that is enough. It. Is. Enough.
You're in my thoughts and my prayers.