Thank you again all.
He scared me today, I almost thought it happened, but he's now sleeping again.
It seems unreal, waiting for death.
Quote:
|
Do not fret about your process. You have already been grieving for a long time in anticipation and preparation. This is allowing you to be more at peace in these moments and will help you stay strong after he is gone.
|
I hope this is true. Rationally, it seems possible. All those times crying, maybe I've been grieving all along.
Since I'm disabled myself (my neuromusculair disease is why I'm on NT in the first place), it makes it harder. Not only am I not able to go out for a while for a walk, but my medicine is already for years messing with my mental state.
It makes me scared, so scared.
And that feeling makes me feel selfish, I shouldn't be thinking about myself and
me being scared.
I never thought it was possible to feel so many emotions, feel so much, feel too little, cry without feeling I'm crying. It probably doesn't make any sense what I'm saying. I'm tired but I can't sleep.
Feel so much love it's almost too much.
He's breathing is getting shallow and doc says it's probably matter of hours. We're laying here somewhat together. My bed against his special bed. Both with our own tubes and things and pills and stuff. Difference is, he will soon be gone. And I have to go on, without him.
I don't know how and frankly, sometimes I don't even know why.