Dear Ravenclaw,

All the things you are feeling,... the numbness, the detachment, the guilt, the weirdness, are all very normal feelings.

I was a sobbing wreck before the funeral service of a loved one but once at the funeral home, it was like I wasn't even there. I felt more like a hostess, greeting people, holding it all together, not a single tear, and felt like my body was there, my mind was there, but sort of like I was outside of myself looking at this gathering as if I were not involved at all. (Numb and detached) I went through the entire visitation, service, and gravesite, as if I had not lost a loved one. If I had not been walking and talking, I would have thought I was in a coma. I was just THERE. Had I been replaced by some "stand in"? Was it numbness? Was it detachment? Was it just the only way I could cope and get through one of the worst times of my life?

What was even more strange to me was at every other funeral for which I had ever attended, even for those that I was not close to the deceased, I had cried many tears and now I was being tearless at the funeral for the biggest loss of my life.

The minute everyone dispersed from the cemetery, I was back to my sobbing wreck. I thought that was the weirdest feeling in the world and one I had never felt at any other time in my life. How did I turn off the emotions for the time at the funeral home and cemetery? Now THAT was strange and did not seem to be under MY control.


Everyone deals with the loss of a loved one in their own way and their own time. Anything you feel is OK and normal.

Looking at pictures may not evoke anything at the moment but other times those same pictures may start a waterfall of tears that seem totally uncontrollable.

You may feel all sorts of things you do not expect. You do not have to feel any particular way at any particular time. Each person develops their own coping mechanisms to deal with their loss of a loved one.

You are safe to express yourself here. Your experience and feelings are yours and you do not have to fit some textbook mold of grief.

There is no comparison of the grieving process from one person to another nor even the same reactions within oneself to different losses. Your grief is an individual matter and anything you feel or don't feel is what is right for you.

Many of us can relate to your feelings and may have felt the same as you but it is OK to also feel completely different than others may mention.

Just please know that we are here for you with whatever feelings you may experience along your journey of grief.

Our thoughts are with you. If writing your feelings here helps you, please continue to write us. We are here to help you through these times of sorrow.

One word of caution,... many well wishers may say all the wrong things although they mean well, they just don't know what to say. I am one of those.

I won't pretend to know how you feel, but I do know that anything you feel is OK. I will never know YOUR loss like you do.

What I do know is some of the feelings that may arise, the anger, the guilt, the numbness, the sadness, the hole in one's heart and life. The pain is sometimes unbearable but we will be here to try to comfort you in any way we can. As the days, weeks, months and years pass, your feelings will go through many changes and repeat themselves on many occasions. We will be here for you.