Hi Keropi I just love that name. Just a quick note for starters, anti-depressants with MS are so much more than just medicated happiness. They work on pain, muscle spasms and occasional sleep-aid. I suffer from some pretty horrendous muscle spasms myself, they're bad enough to tear ligaments, tendons and break bones... I now Love my Cymbalta. It helps far more for the pain than any of the narcotics I was taking before.

But it's not just the Cymbalta, I'm also taking skelaxin, gabapentin (neurotin), zanaflex and some other muscle relaxant that I don't even remember what the generic is supposed to be subbing for. And according to my neuro, that's the end of the medication line for spasms if they continue to get worse, there's nothing else they can do for me. I'm 35 years old... and like you at times I can't help but think that "with a lot of bad luck" I should be able to live to 70.

A little over ten years ago I was training horses, English and Western style. Taking Swedish warmbloods over 6' fences, and weaving around barrels by the skin of my teeth, all while rehabilitating some of the most terribly abused horses, with justifiable trust issues. Now I'm struggling to walk to the end of the driveway to check the mail.

However I don't believe I have lost my entire sense of self. Most of the time I can maintain my sense of humor, that's something this disease hasn't taken from me and if anything has made it even better. But when the disease induced doldrums hit, I try to think of all the things I can still do rather than focusing on the things I can't.

I also try to be thankful for some of the things I can't do anymore like... taking out the trash~ not especially crying over that one... changing the kitty litter box~ close second on thankful I can't do anymore. Unfortunately the hubby bought me a super light vacuum so I can't claim not to be able to vacuum anymore.

As for things that I CAN still do...
I can still fall up stairs .
I can sit whenever and wherever (my legs tell me to).
I can still forget to stop and pick up bread and milk on the way home.
I can still keep my side of the bed warm and toasty.
I can still ask my hubby to grab me a drink just as he's sitting down.
I can still be horrified by the "people of Walmart"
Heck I still scream like a two-year old when I see a snake!

So there's lots of things, that are belonging to my sense of self that I can still do. Sure I'm not riding horses nowadays, I'm not hiking mountains, or driving myself around, and too much TV or computer gives me a killer migraine. But there's a multitude of things I can do.