There is no other way out of this hole
It was not even a crack up until I got sick
Hate where I am in this situation
For the past years I have done nothing but the right thing
whenever possible
My finances are leaving me with zero
actually I am usually in a NEGITIVE twenty
I have decided to file for bankruptcy
Since becoming a SSD recipient I have been
Paying my obligation off
I have ALWAYS PRIDED MYSELF how I could use
A credit card get all the savings offered and put it on the card
because there would be a savings if you used it
I WOULD THEN GET MY SAVINGS AND PAY THE WHOLE ORDER
OFF SO NO MONIES WERE MADE TO THE CREDIT CARD BANK
I also would double up on my payments
Let's not forget my son owes me big time in finances
Three thousand in cash and his purchase of a couch I
eventually paid for once paid closed account
So it isn't as if I don't know credit cards are not my thing
My dad used to say
"If you did not have hard earned monies to purchase what
a person wanted
They shouldn't buy anything at all
I believe this to be true even today
But I cannot do it any more
I do not want to use credit cards anymore
It does not serve me anymore it is now a burden
To have to pay off old debts and the debts my children
put on my cards with the promise to pay off their purchases
they had no credit because they were not smart with them
Well I am in a boat where I cannot put my entire SSD chech
towards my obligation
They are mine minus my children's outrageous purchases
and sticking me with the bill
My soninlaw did this
One of the reasons estranged by my daughter
now
Four computer tablets on my Dell
What a donkey *** I was
I am compelled to care for my kids
even when they need my financial help
If I could I did

Is anyone concerned
No
Does anybody care
No
Am I driving myself nuts
YES
I have got to stop being so angry
and just file
This too will cost me money for a bankruptcy lawyer
My medical bills are just that bills I cannot pay
And this be the land of the free
I feel so ashamed
All my entire life until I became ill
NEVER A PROBLEM TAKING CARE OF MY OBLIGATIONS
BECAUSE I AM RESPONSIBLE
my son says to me
"Mom, I will return the monies I owe you I can only do it in
fifty dollar a month installment towards the thousands he owes
as of the beginning of the new year
It's a start
In many ways
He too filed and told me it is for the reasons like yourself mommy
that you are the prime reason people file for bankruptcy
And as consoling as that sounded
It bothers me like you have no idea
It irks me to no end I cannot do it anymore
I FEEL like a failure
And I have miserably
It is so not me on so many levels
Yet I see no way out
My SSD is way under a grand
After what is deducted left with seven hundred
You read right
My waitressing career did not do me any service
to my SS retirement
Though I was given a opportunity at a municipal job
I would have retired from
And may I say if I arlredy did its worth saying again
I HAD A PRINCESS JOB
when first coming on the job I read my contract
Tried to get paid time and a half for holiday
And a clothing allowance as I had a uniform
on as soon as I started
Well it turned out to have been possible wrong doings
about my title
After six weeks working at the precincts I was senior clerk
NOT a CERTIFIED TELEPHONE OPERATOR
stood my ground
Was served dismissal paperwork
All fabricated allegations I was able to prove
Won
Got my job back
That's when Brian Stack our mayor and holds a special senetor
seat where he introduces possible new law and change law
So make no mistake I keep very close contact with him
Even though I told him when this last April he told me he could
not extend another six month leave with no pay
Only to be told I cannot anymore
I said thing is I know of situations similar to mine and I red flag
Why us
I was about to loose my life insurance from my job
the chance to have medical benefits after ten years of service
I had two years and two months to meet that milestone
Just never had the chance
Because when I became ill all else fell apart
And I tried my damed hardest to pull us out of the now huge hole
Guess I can do only what I can
Need I say how terrible this makes me feel
Another failing thing in my life
How much more Father
I dug this hole myself
I feel so terrible on so many levels
But I am left with zero
Granted all the credit cards do not want to know
about any of my personal woes
It's all about paying up

Does not my history count in something

It is still in great stand
But that is after leaving me with nothing
Can't live like this
Got to do something
Something soon
Me