Dear Ravenclaw,

I understand your feelings. Been there myself with grief making me have no desire to live. I was NOT suicidal, I just did not care if I lived or not. Luckily, I did not have other things contributing to how I was feeling, as you mentioned (pms and medications).

I was also at the beginning of some of my major health issues and that may have had a contributing effect but it was before I was rendered disabled.

I do think grief can be so devastating that we can feel as you, "why bother". Your physical pain combined with your emotional pain just seem too much to endure.

If you are feeling such deep despair, I would like to encourage you to seek some assistance. There are medications that can be prescribed to help you get through this time. There are also many grief counseling services that may be beneficial.

When these dark thoughts enter, you need to reach out to others for help. You don't need, nor should you, go through this alone. Talk with your doctor and your family. Keep writing to us here on NT.

This despair is temporary and it will get better but it takes time.

I can tell you this from personal experience. I went from feeling no desire to live, then to becoming disabled and in pain, to now wanting to live as long as I possible can, regardless of how my own health has deteriorated. It was a gradual turn around but it did happen.

You WILL want to live life again. In the meantime, get some help to give yourself time to get to the desire to live life again. If it takes medications for a while, then ask for them.

I know you are feeling just numb right now. Some of your statements are the same words I said so I do think I have some idea of what you are experiencing now.

I am very glad that I was not battling some of the same forces that are only exacerbating your pain from losing your loved one. Hormonal disturbances alone can make us feel bad.

We are here for you. We can't make your pain go away but we can listen. I do hope you will seek medical attention to help you so that the hurt can be lessened until you are strong enough to have a desire for life once again.