|
Member
|
|
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 905
|
|
|
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 905
|
Not doing very well :(
I've had some really bad days the last 2 weeks. Something happened at the 2 month mark of his passing and I'm just a mess. Can't think clearly, hysterical bouts of crying, sobbing. My feelings can go from 0 to 100 and back again in a second flat.
I'll have a new Advantage Plan in Jan and I know I've got to get some professional help in dealing with this. Between the pain of SFN and this mental torture I've got to do something.
My mind is all over the place every second that I am awake. My pain is much worse and I'm pretty sure the depression isn't helping one bit with that.
I was holding my 15 year old grandsons hand last night and it hit me how much I miss holding my Bubba's hand. Or putting my hand on his knee as we were driving or sitting beside each other. I miss hugging him tight and planting a kiss on his sweet lips or forehead. I miss every second of being with him or just knowing he was here on this earth.
I know this will all get easier. I just didn't know a person could suffer this much. I never really knew what our relationship meant to me until he was gone. I mean really deep down I had no idea who much I loved this man or how much his physical being meant to me.
I just wanted to share with all of you where I'm at right now. Not a good place at all. I keep the darkness at bay but it's always right outside wanting to get in but I won't let it.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers for I need them badly right now. Let the light of your caring shine on me please.
Debi
|