My dear Debi,

Yes, you are in our thoughts and our prayers. Just when we think we know what grief is like because of other loved ones we have lost, when you lose a spouse, it can be a VERY different experience. The pain is so deep it feels unbearable.

There are many support groups for grief that may be of interest to you while you wait for your insurance coverage to kick in for one on one professional help. Sometimes the funeral home can put you in touch with support groups. I know that you are not able to get around much when family members are at work since driving is so difficult for you.

It is hard enough for a healthy person to deal with grief, but when you add a painful chronic condition to the mix, they will feed off of each other. To be in pain is depressing in itself. To be grieving is depressing in itself. Add the two together and one can fall into a very deep hole of depression. Which one is contributing to the other? BOTH.

The grief and depression will compound your pain and your pain will compound your grief and depression.

You may want to discuss this with your favorite doctor and maybe medication may help you during this initial and so painful time in your journey to find life without Bubba. Not the kind of medication that will turn you into a zombie, but something that will ease the emotional pain to a more bearable level.

Time is NOT your friend right now because it seems to move so slowly during the grieving process. It WILL be your friend in the long run, but it is much too soon to rely upon time alone.

Being so limited by your disability only exacerbates your emotional pain. You have a much more difficult struggle than someone that is able to immerse themselves into some physical activity.

Please know that we are hurting with and for you as you try to build your new life without the man you loved and with whom you shared your entire adult life.

I feel sure that you even miss the little arguments that couples have over insignificant matters that seemed important at the time. How you long to be able to have one of those now if that meant you had him with you. It is not just the good times you miss, but also the times that were not the finest moments.

As time passes, you will find that you can't even remember anything that was not great about Bubba. You will ONLY remember all the goodness. When that happens, you will be moving further along in the grieving process. You will ALWAYS miss him, it will just get easier to bear. All the little triggers will have less of an impact on you but that is a long way off right now.

Please know how much we care about you and how much we wish we could alleviate this pain. We appreciate your sharing your heart and your thoughts with us. Please continue to keep us posted on your feelings and your struggles to adjust to this horrendous loss in your life.

When you get too sad for words, try to think about Bubba looking down at you and saying, "I miss you, too, my dear Debi, but I don't want you to be sad." Think of some of the things he would say to you if he were sitting next to you. Listen for his words. They will drown out the hurt in your heart. He may even make you smile or laugh. He might say something to you that may cheer you as you know what he would say.

He IS still with you. You just have to listen for HIS words. Right now, your breaking heart is drowning out his voice. Don't concentrate on what HE is missing by having his life cut short,... think about what he would be saying to you.

Hope you get some pain relief as that will help with the emotions. Pain AND grief are a double whammy, so be kind to yourself.