It is early morning
Nausea pain depression came to visit
very early today
I cannot wait I won't start till 7:00
I know to take them the same time everyday
But there are days I am like I feel now
It come to early and if I start taking earlier or not
on a schedule I will be is nausea mode most of the time
and that truly blows
I just got over a cold I think another one has gotten me
I haven't had a cold I so long
Makes me wonder how my system is lagging
I am so frightened
How I feel now just frightens me to no end
I am lonely
And thirsty for human contact
What is happening to me
What went wrong
Why do I have to endure even more
Can't it just go away
Just like it came on
Out of nowhere
I wonder with the rigs idling all night in the bay
Just feet from the door to the bay
Diesel fuel and that black smoke
Did breathing in that toxic fumes a them years
do damage to my nervous system
God I can't wait for 7:00 two minutes away
Getting ready
5 tablets in the morning for a slew of problems
Here goes
I have returned
Now just waiting for the wave of some much needed relief
My hands and feet are giving out quicker than quick
To get up is a struggle
What happened to me dear Father
How did this all happen so quickly
This is why I fear the future
It is inevitable this will get worse
I just can't imagine
Without my Meds I don't want to be alive
No to want to leave my family
But only myself
I am a burden to my family
They look at the only parent they had in their entire life
My gracious granddaughter
Has me belly laughing
My little savior
Her mom having a very difficult time
Finding a place,her way, a job, a home
It is so overwhelming I am sure
I am doing all I can to help
A break will come in Gods time
Until then I have two who live home and am responsible for
I love my children
I wish they were a little more kinder and softer
And maybe a phone call
I extended myself with my eldest
A big nothing
This is my life and she has distanced herself and
has no clue how badly things are the situation
is progressing mad quick
And I miss my dog
He too is getting old
I don't get her
So i will leave it alone
It saddens me I assure you
Depression is my companion today
A shower I will take
Make myself acceptable
And make the best of this day
I will try and lift myself up
to the best of my ability
For today
Lift my depression
Father