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Old 11-17-2015, 03:41 PM
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DejaVu DejaVu is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,521
15 yr Member
DejaVu DejaVu is offline
Senior Member
DejaVu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,521
15 yr Member
Smile Welcome

Hi Kendyll,

Welcome to NeuroTalk.

This sounds quite challenging for everyone. I am very sorry for all you, your family and your dad go through.

I am wondering if the "dissociative" diagnosis is "dissociation" or "dissociative identity disorder," as you had written. I don't mean to challenge you on this. I am simply wondering, as there is often a lot of confusion around these diagnoses.

If your dad has a "dissociative identity disorder," this would have been present very early in his life and throughout his life.

If he simply "dissociates," that is a bit different.

People living with "dissociative identity disorder" or with "dissociative tendencies," can have a good life if they learn to manage these conditions.
Has your dad had help in learning to manage his condition?

Either can present a challenge, of course. Adding in the additional diagnoses you have mentioned can make this a tremendous challenge, a challenge likely too big for a family with young children and with so many demands upon them already.

Any chance of sharing your dad's care with someone, maybe someone from the VNA?

Any chance of finding a "respite" where he can go and receive intensive oversight and assistance when he is having more severe episodes?

Might it be helpful to you, to your family, and to your dad, if you could find a place for him to have assistance in a totally different setting, part-time or full-time?
Either "day care" or placement in a "care home" type of a setting?

I feel your concern for your dad, for your husband, for your family.

Everyone is important, so the best way to deal with this is in a way which attends to everyone's needs, as much as possible.

Sometimes, we feel our parents/grandparents are better off in our own homes. Sometimes, this is true, yet not always. Sometimes, they feel less stress and a greater sense of independence and fulfillment in settings where their needs are met, without feeling guilty, without feeling like they are a burden. I can imagine your dad has some unique needs which may be best met by people specializing in his needs?

When we take in family for prolonged periods of time, we do it because we love them and want to help in any way we can help. However, sometimes, it gets to be too much and we end up drained and then unable to help in the most productive manner.

I wonder if you and your husband might meet with a therapist or social worker, in order to discuss the many issues which come up for families in these situations? I think I would start with my spouse and a professional. I would hope to find a mutually acceptable option for my parent. I would hope to add my parent to the discussions, or get a referral. I would also hope to bring my children into the discussion.

If your dad has his care at a medical center, it's possible there are medical social workers available to assist with his case/his needs, able to help to define his options with you and with your dad.

I'd suggest picking up the phone, explaining your concerns, finding out which resources are available. I am often so amazed with the many resources available once I ask and make a need known.

You do have your hands full. You are doing the very best for everyone by reaching out and asking for help.

Love and Prayers,
DejaVu
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