I wait till at least 7:00 a.m.
Came from focus three
Left my message of blessings

To take me out of my depression
The company of my dog will be
Soooooo awesome
The pain is through the roof in the morning
hours
To not want to feel anymore
The heart
The soul
The body
The mind
To see someone look at me
and not wonder what is wrong with her
Oh the drama
Oh dear lord
Even those who look upon me as weak
no mind
No body
No soul
No heart
No eyes to really see
I cry every single morning
In my pain that takes me all over the map
And until my Meds are in my system and await
The wave of relief
I cannot express what that feels like
Every single morning
I use my I pod to force my fingers
to get the exercise to get the circulation going
I remember the first time I noticed my hands
would tingle
That was about ten years ago
When in resting position
It would be noticed mostly then
Now in the morning
Even the roots of my hair hurts
Every inch of this tall body
I am 5' 9 1/2" tall
Now bent over as I walk
I lost a good head in height
My entire right back
Feels like burning flesh and how an
animal would go into a frenzy for food
As I were being screwed torn ripped apart
With all the pain that just makes me not want to go on
anymore
THIS IS WHAT MY PAIN DOES TO ME
MAKES ME WISH I WEREN'T ALIVE
I am trying stay positive
But those who suffer the pain
That one wishes not to go through another day
I thank God I have the Meds to help me get through my day
safely and as event free as possible

I have new concerns
That be throwing a clot
It is possible
Said the pain doctor
Unable to explain why my hands and feet
veins get inflamed and then burst
Where is this traveling through my body
So a hematologist is who I will need to see
Yet another doctor for a new prioblem
It is real
I have pictures for the new doctor
Will start my phone calls today and find someone in my
plan
You don't want them bills to build up in that pile
I can never pay
I had a sweet job
Operative word
Had
Will try to stay up beat
Going to my eldests home
Should be very interesting
Love
Me