Oh how depression robs us of soooo sooooo much
To have to make decisions
Informed
I do all I can to educate myself in everything I do
Yesterday a rekindled relationship with a longtime friend
left me in the dust
Having to go to the lawyer and have to handle writing down all
the information necessary
I was told I would get the help
Mentioning it yesterday morning of the appointment
not a word mentioned
Insdead babysat a woman in the building
that was not important
However there will be a pay off at the time she expires
Point
The root of all evil
Money money money
It will not be something I will be a part of
I gave with my whole being
With nothing but the truth of a friendship
not based on any hidden lies
Does it make me sad
Most certainly
I'm back in the relationship after five
no speaking (issues with herself and me when it had to do
with my infant granddaughter and a control matter)
I pray she become a grandmother from her only son
Only then will the situation will be understood
And the way I need to deal with some very hurtful
things
Out of sight out of mind
For five years
My depressive state
Again heightened by what my shrink would say to me
"Eva, are you surprised ?"
My answer is always yes! yes! yes !
Asked my child if she came to my door would I turn her away
Never
And we spoke for many hours
Over time I have been the open me I always am
and I need to step aside
I have learned things that are very hurtful
such as
Her jealous insecurities
This someone I worked with
and in the height if my drinking career
left me with another coworker who
RAPED ME
she left me knowing how I felt about him
and that be nothing but a coworker
Was this her way of hurting me
because of her jealous feelings I never knew of
I am super blown away
And it was a true honest question
Can you accompany me to the lawyers
Knowing all that would eminate filing bankruptcy
Yeah a BIGGY
But I did it crying as I had fill out nine pages
Now what to do
What I did do is text her when I got home
and expressed I had no clue of her new plans
and called her on it
Well I don't have to say apologies
I accepted
But have a different feel about us
I can see the reasons
and it disturbs me
What's wrong with ME
I can only control myself
and am confused
Do I stay
Or back down
I am not about things and money
Sad it makes me
Reality
It is what it is
How does this effect my mental state
Where do I shove this
When do I say enough already
Stop it Eva
Me