Thank you

The 50mg of Seroquel is still quieting the ugly imagery. And it isn't destabilizing or sedating me. Thank God.

I woke up feeling much relieved this morning, but I'm still going to have to worry about my dad indefinitely because he needs to continue to want help, he'll have to have lots of med adjustments before he's out of the woods, and he'll have to remain compliant. I hope he's honest and finally gets the BP dx. It's dangerous to jack up those antidepressants for someone who has BP I, which he clearly has, especially if they aren't on a mood stabilizer.

Drunk.org told me that they filed the certificate yesterday that says I completed the program. They said to call the NH DMV today to ask what I need to do next because I'm out of state. I called this morning and of course the DMV didn't have the certificate yet. The lady I spoke to told me to call back in a few hours because if they faxed it it might not be in the system yet. She also said they could have mailed it. I ****ing hope they faxed it! Drunk.org told me yesterday the DMV should already have it.

When I called I found out that once the DMV gets the certificate, I have to request what they call a 30-day letter. I have to bring it (with other paperwork) to the MA DMV so they can do some voodoo to my license so I can get insurance and the co. will file proof of it to the NH DMV. That would satisfy my obligations to NH and I would get a clearance letter- then deal with MA.

The cost of the insurance will be ridiculous because of the DUI and I'll have to put 20% down. I'm guessing it will be about a grand. Then the monthly payments are going to be equally ridiculous. It's going to hurt.

Just because I'm complaining about this process and the expense of cab fare and insurance doesn't mean I am not accepting responsibility for my actions. I made a long series of very bad decisions that began with me not going back to my pdoc when I first realized I was hypomanic and off meds and it culminated in a s/s attempt. I accept responsibility for all of those decisions, including the one where I got bombed and got behind the wheel. Mania is not an excuse.

Right now I'm trying to just focus on getting the 30-day letter and the insurance and certificate. But I'm having a hard time not thinking of the end game... the possibility that after all of this MA may try to yank my license for another year.