GuitarGuy,

You are not alone. We are here and we understand. Getting your pain under control is going to help. Don't give up before having started treatment again.

I know well how pain and loss can sap one's will to live. In spite of many blessings I lost my will to live when my pain and disability was at its worst. I broke down and went to a therapist whose practice was centered on chronic pain, illness and traumatic loss. She was a lifesaver. Her techniques included hypnosis and EMDR which were both helpful. Getting around my conscious brain was important because I could've talked all day about what I was going through and not made much progress. It has been months now since I have seen her and the improvement is holding. If you don't have a therapist helping you now, consider starting. The support will only help.

Make a plan and hold on to it like a bulldog. Start back on your med. Hopefully the long release will negate some side effects. Get an appointment with a new specialist and try several things methodically and one at a time until you find what works. Consider going to a local support group for chronic pain. Until then, HOLD FAST. Life is still worth it, it's just really hard to see that when you are in a lot of pain.

There is a Survivors of Suicide subforum where you can go if you need to safely discuss those feelings.

Sending hugs and healing love,