It is always a mixed bag of emotions (including relief, amazement, sadness, reassurance) when I come on here and see posts by people that align so much with my personal and lonely journey.

Being 9 months in, I've had increased emotional lability from the start. Similar to what Mark said, I feel overly fragile and vulnerable compared to my old self.

However, what really kicks me and takes me to the brink of feeling like I can't deal with PCS anymore is the uncontrollable and involuntary bursts of crying that slog me like a baseball bat out of nowhere at often the most unpredictable times. This still happens on a regular basis but I try to avoid known triggers that bring on a 'crash', such as being in environments with too much stimulation for my senses. I get very little warning it's coming. It's like water in a lidded pot on the stove - boiling point surprises you with bubbling mayhem spewing out from under the lid all at once. Similarly, my tears and wailing start with no feeling prompting this other than a dreadful, overwhelming sensation in my head. I’ve broken all the barriers – it's happened on public transport, during dinner parties, in crowded cafes, uni, even my boss’ desk! Once this usual embarrassing show starts, depression follows. Like you RidingRollerCoaster, my onslaughts usually stick around for days afterward and I feel like an anchor gets strapped to my feet holding me down in this hole. People share comforting words like, “it’s ok, I cry at the drop of a hat”, except I don't find these very comforting. I realised it’s because this is all backwards… Usually we start an emotional reaction once we feel sad etc. With this, the opposite is true! I cry for no logical reason and the heavy feeling follows for days later. I float around like a beaten-up zombie in a depressive fog with a listless feeling equivalent to the news of your best friend’s death. And no matter the amount of uplifting power I send to my mind or support from others, it's like this toxic chemistry in my brain keeps me down until it says so. All my symptoms come back worse than ever following these episodes as well. It's hell.

Because it feels like hell, I don't have any great recommendations on how to deal with it. I just try to let it flow with me also. I keep telling myself that it's just messed up brain chemistry which I've seen before, I know the drill, it will pass at most in a few days.. If I have the strength I do light activities that distract my mind which help temporarily. Like watch an enjoyable movie, read or get out in the garden.

Thanks for the tip on PBA Mark, I had never heard of that and it seems to certainly fit my bill. I'm going to ask my doctor about it.