Laupala,
Since I read your post the first day it showed up I have written many replies and none seemed right so I just let it go. Now after reading all the posts I felt it was time for me to tell you how your post affected me and tell you what I think acceptance is.

Your post evoked quite a few emotions for me, it made me sad to read. It also provoked me to try and find an appropriate response for you. Have I found acceptance, I am not sure. I think I have found ways to move forward with my life in a different way than I used to. Am I happy about it, not really but there is little I can do to change it.

I am a lot older than you and I have had a successful career. As hard as it is to accept that it is over, I think it is easier to look forward and try to shape what the rest of my life will look like. That is not to say that I find it easy not to think about how much more I could have done, it is just I feel fortunate that I do not have to figure out what a career path with my limitations would look like. I will just have to let it go. I will be 'retired' earlier than I wanted to be, but I am ok with that I guess as there is no other option for me.

It is all very complicated, trying to find the balance between living day to day with the new reality of life, trying to garner some of the things that came so easily in the past. Simple things like attending family gatherings, being able to spend more than an hour with my busy grandchildren, visiting with friends, dining out, movies on the big screen... they all take so much out of me. Trying to figure out how long is too long and if the price I will pay is worth the effort of being there. And yes, accepting that there is a price to pay for putting myself in an environment that is not good for me. I am sure with time finding that balance will be easier.

I have had lots of therapies and still continue with Vision therapy, physio, psychology and I work with an occupational therapist. They talk about the 'new me'. I don't like that phrasing, to me it is like pretending the old me is no longer there...because she is still there. Maybe she is helping to form the latest version of me. I don't think you can have the new version without some of the old version. The 'team' and my family have all tried to help me find ways to accept my limits and help me understand the necessity to budget my efforts.

So after all that, I am saying that acceptance for me is recognizing that I have limitations, that I need to plan my days and budget my time so I can have some meaningful times that don't put me back to ground zero, and if I do find myself back where I do not want to be it is ok I just start all over again....trying to plan better...