Originally Posted by lostneedfound

Good Morning (as its now 3:00 am) Sorry for the long post, not sure if this is the right place, but here goes...sorry for bad grammar too!

I am the husband of a wife with CRPS. We have been together for 15+ years, married for 10. (im 36, she is 32) We have 2 kids, 3 Dogs and like most typical Americans, a house, car, etc. Painting a picture, we are your typical family.

My wife was diagnosed approx 3 years ago. she battled knee pain but a bad hit from one of our dogs into her knee was the final straw. We went to see a knee doctor who mis-diagnosed her from the start calling it a fracture on the top of her fibula and doing MRI's to know avail or comfort. Needless to say, 6 months of pain and not stopping asking for answers, we are here today with CRPS. Atleast we had answers.

My wife refuses to let her CRPS control her. She still (by choice) works as a beautician 20 hours a week (standing on her feet mind you) She continues to do the house choirs and even partake in our kids extra activities (helps coach football and cheerleading) She goes to the gym every weekday morning to do 4 miles on an elliptical machine AND at night, literally almost every night. She believes if she continues to force the muscles and nerves to work, she has control and things will not get worse (spreading, loss of muscle, etc) and it helps with her blood flow and the sauna afterwords soothes the pain (dry heat). She takes Vicodin (multiple pills and multiple times a day) and on occasion Gabapentin (not often, she hates the mental feeling it provides). Overall, i would say she is tough as nails, strong as hell and a role model to CRPS sufferers. a true example of not letting the pain win. She is back to her highschool weight, looks amazing and thanks to the gym, is the best shape of her life.

So why am i posting here, well, the problem lies on how i am suppose to cope with her CRPS. I am the other side, the side that typically is viewed as the one that "doesnt get it, or "will never understand". Perhaps i am no more than an ******* and the realization will come from your feedback or maybe you can relate and provide me with valuable insight.

I can not talk to my wife about sex without her getting mad and defensive. I try to bring up conversations and explain how i feel and how CRPS is affecting me as well but she doesn't seem to care. I understand, the pain is un-imaginable, but i am not asking for what i think is outrageous.. i would be stoked with 2, 3 times a month? Its December, we have had sex 2/3 times since September. I know she is not cheating on me for that would appear to be the most obvious of answers (at least for me) Maybe this is a CRPS issue, maybe its not, and CRPS is just the blame. I dont know

She says she cant orgasm; ** i have even made sure i change my routine to ensure she finishes first. Again, i may not be perfect but i put her first and try no to treat her like a rag doll. ** She reads nightly to get her mind of the pain, while in bed, she reads a variety including romance yet, those spark no interest as well. we cuddle a few times a week but do you know how hard it is to cuddle when you constantly desire your wife? This is why i am here tonight, i had to get out of bed; i am angry with her she is ignoring my needs and using CRPS to blame when she is able to overcome everything else (i mean guys, she runs 8 miles a day on an elliptical for heavens sakes!)

So, even though i could keep typing for hours ill cut it there and ask the ultimate question. What do i do? How do i get her to understand, i am in this too, for as long as we both live? Lately crazy thoughts of divorce and infidelity have creeped in my mind and i talked to her about it. Her response to be expected was "I cant believe you are bringing this up" so i asked what can we do to try to make things in the bedroom normal again... sadly, she never has answers, she never knows, and i find myself lost, alone and wondering how i am going to survive like this for 60 more years while she suffers from a never ending battle of CRPS. IS this CRPS or is this a marriage problem with CRPS on the side. I ask her first giving the benefit of the doubt to CRPS.

I apologize if i offend anyone.
Feel open to ask me questions, i truly seek to make this work.