Thank you, for sharing it all. I too have his shampoo, I put it away because I can't look at it. I want to smell it, but still haven't tried because I'm scared of what it will do to me.

I seem to be feeling different. I cry more, but it's not like I can explain why exactly. Just that I feel sad, hopeless, full and empty. I'm just, I don't know.
Sorry again if it doesn't make sense. I hate it's getting further away from the date he passed, because at first everyone was you know, giving me hugs and wanting to take about him, grieving with me. But they all just go on with their lives, and I understand that, but somehow it kind of hurts me.
Not that there's a time limit, but most seem to think it's easier for me now. I got people to say, it's good you still have a healthy appetite, when my loved one died, I couldn't eat and lost over 20 pounds.
It confuses me. I eat but I'm not enyoing it. When I make dinner I cry when I'm alone. How do they don't get not all sadness is visible?

I'm so scared of time. Now it's been over 5 weeks. What if I forget him? What if everyone around me forgets him? What if I stop feeling sad? What if I never stop feeling sad?

Sorry for this I don't know, nonsense, I just feel so depressed. I just really, really want to sleep and never wake up. Finally at peace. This battle is to hard for me to fight alone. I need him so much.