Quote:
Originally Posted by hippiechick
I haven't been on here in a long time. I thought I could hold on a bit longer but I can't. I HATE this season and, after last night, I don't find any reason to stay here. I'll take my chances with what happens after I die. I'm too tired to do this anymore. I can't "pretend" anymore. To T, I will always love you...you're the only one who matters. You could have done a lot better than me. I'm sorry.
|
If ever I understood what you wrote
I want you to know
Everyday I fight to stay alive
Why I don't have the answer to that
My father checked out when I was nineteen
I left a horrific up bringing
Married for all the wrong reasons
Had four children
And am alone since December 30th 1984
Never have I found the need to have a stranger
be in my children's life
A deadbeat father
Lost sight of his infant child and his other babies
Granted I had the strength to let him go with no regrets
It is very lonely at times
My babies are now adults in their early thirties my eldest will
be thirty five as I turn fifty five
Gave up my flight attending career for my life
with my babies
I cannot express to you
It is not what I have to fight for
Why does this brain have to know depression
that manifests in me physically and mentally
Like I just live day to day for what
I don't have the answer to that either
I do not know you
But I know what you want to do
Please put it off just for a bit
As I ask my depression to leave and
come back another time
Just not today
I cannot take this horrible thaught from you
Just let you know I get it
I too fight what you wrote
Every single day since way back when I was a little girl
I have doctors I take no Meds for depression
The trial and error isn't the proble
It is the constant withdrawals I would suffer
My heart would go into arrhythmia blisters in mouth
I just had enough of that
My breast cancer was the icing on the cake
And after removal of both breasts
Talked into implants
Oh but you so young
I should have followed my gut
My reconstruction was botched
I am not about boobs
I just thaught
Men are so visual
What if someone should enter my life for life
Will have to oversee the botched job
This isn't important
The point
It is me I need someone to see
With my ailments my depression
And that will be so hard to find
I don't know about you
If you had the opportunity to love
And be loved in returning was not blessed with such love
My desire to live is getting stronger slower than a snail pace
Please do not give in yet
Please put it off for now
Just for now
Love
Someone who cares