Hello all,

I've been here awhile but never posted anything. I usually just browse through the posts to see if anyone is going through the same things I am at the time, but I've decided to post something here because well, it's my 38th birthday and it totally sucked! I hate that this disease has robbed me of my joy and my ability to like things I used to. I hate that it's taken away my energy and all I feel like doing is sleeping or laying in my bed. I hardly interact with my family and it hurts me more than anything! I've been diagnosed with CRPS on the entire left side of my body...my ENTIRE LEFT SIDE!!!! It's been 7 years now, I've also been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and I'm sure I've got other stuff going on but I'm seriously tired of seeing doctors so who knows anymore.....I'm writing this because I feel alone. I feel like nobody really knows how devastating this disease is and I'm writing this because it's my birthday and I should be enjoying it rather than being depressed and not wanting to get out of my bed! I'm writing this because I want the New Year to be better than this past one....it was/is miserable to say the least! I'm writing this because I think I need people who understand me! I'm writing this because I just want my old life back...or actually I want a life that I can be apart of and enjoy! I'm writing this because I can't stand the firey pain I am currently feeling on the top of my left foot. I'm writing this because I feel ugly looking at my body. My toenails have turned brownish and yellowish my arm and leg are swollen and going thru it's color stages and I'm underweight and I wish I could just gain it back. My hairs a mess, I got dark circles under my eyes and I seriously look like the walking dead! I'm writing this so I can get it out because I always have to bottle it up and put on the fake face. I'm writing this so I can feel some sort of normalcy. I don't know I'm just writing this.......