It was 70 degrees on Christmas Eve, but it was in the 20's overnight and it snowed. It's sleeting now. About 2" stuck to the ground and 4" stuck to our car. My husband has a work vehicle so he has to leave our car here. I cleaned it off this morning and will have to move it to a clean spot in the parking lot whenever the plow comes. I'm nervous because I haven't been behind the wheel in a year.


Adding to all the stress I've been dealing with over the last couple of months, I've been keeping a couple of health problems to myself...

I have a history of ovarian cysts. I can tell when I have them, but have only had them imaged a couple of times. I had one checked out last month because it was especially painful. The ultrasound report said it was "atypical." Because of my history, I may just have endometriosis. But the treatment for it is a change of birth control or hormone treatment... not ideal when you're bipolar, definitely not in my case. I talked to pdoc about it briefly. She's not exactly thrilled. The cyst could also be something more nefarious. I have a follow up ultrasound Jan. 4th, and I have to see my GYN no matter what the results are.

I had an abnormal pap smear in my early 20s (I'm 35) but was only having them every 3yrs because they kept coming back normal. I had one in October and it came back with high grade precancerous cells. So did the biopsy. My GYN says my husband still carries the HPV virus and because I smoke and I'm older it's harder to clear it. I have to have follow-up testing in March. No sex, no tampons until then... UGH. It's a long time to wait, but my GYN wants to make sure the test results are correct before I have to undergo a procedure.

Just 2 more reasons why my anxiety has been higher. But I think I've been doing a pretty good job of distracting myself from these worries for a while, but since the follow-up ultrasound is coming up soon, they're coming back into the foreground again...
I was hoping that the ultrasound would show that the cyst is gone, but I can still feel it. I just don't want to have to have it removed.

They're worries, they add to my anxiety, but not playing a role in my intrusive thoughts. But they play into the catastrophic thinking, but not all of it though.