Debi ,

I've been thinking of you lately and wondered if any significant date or anniversary was coming up. Seems I start thinking of people and then they tell me "oh, my birthday or anniversary was on that day".

That's really sweet of your daughter(s) to take you out. It will be fun for you to see former co-workers.

I found that when I had a meltdown and felt better afterwards (instead of worse) that it helped me with the guilt I felt.....for whatever reason......maybe that I was still here and he wasn't or that I still got to see and spend time with the kids and our friends.......everything I did that made me feel the least bit happy I felt guilty about......and then I didn't. I just realized one day that I could feel joy and not be ashamed of it or feel like I was doing something I shouldn't. I guess that's just how grief works. One day you realize that feeling good is not bad!

I think you'll do fine tomorrow. I know I put way, way too much emphasis on "anniversaries".......1 month, 2 months, 6 months since "the day". I think I felt more anxious during the days and weeks leading up to these dates than the actual day made me feel. Some dates it would be late in the day before I realized that it was a "date" day......anniversary of the day he passed, day of the funeral, etc. I know he would not be marking these dates as I was so when I finally stopped giving them so much power over me I felt so much better.

I will be thinking of you and hoping that you find some happy memories to think about tomorrow. I think Bubba will know and be happy that you are beginning to feel some peace and joy in your life. No better testament to your love for another than joyful memories.