I have no idea why my husband was in a such good mood this weekend Bizi. I wish I did so I could replicate the circumstances He was in a pretty bad mood when he got home from work yesterday. He was here for 5min before I had to pop a klonopin.

Donna, it was good to see the Colts finish on a high note. It's nice that the team has extended coach Pagano's contract- the players love him. Because of how the team finished (8-8), the word was he was on his way out (along with a lot of other coaches in the NFL).

A student did my ultrasound yesterday… she couldn't find my right ovary lol. So the instructor came in to finish it…
I asked about the size of the cyst on my right ovary and it did shrink!!! I have one developing on my left ovary, but it's not funky. The instructor asked me if I have endometriosis and if I have a lot of pain, but I didn't ask why. Maybe something was easier to see this time around because I wasn't constipated like last time. I wasn't going to get into it with her in any depth because she's not a doctor and I don't need anything else to worry about right now. My GYN already thinks I have endometriosis and I'll discuss it with her. I was just concerned about the size of that cyst. I'm relieved. One less thing to worry about

It's funny but almost immediately, my attention turned to the substance abuse evaluation I'm having on Monday. It just hit me that it's at 3pm. While it's convenient because my husband won't have to take a full day off, it's absolutely the worst time of day for me because of the MS. How off I am is like a crap shoot. Increasing my coffee intake will help, but I won't be at my best, and I won't be able to take any klonopin. I'm going to have to explain to them that it's nap time (really nap time + anxiety time).

Because I won't be at my best, I'm trying to prepare myself. I've started putting pieces together in my head because I know they're not just going to ask me about recent events. I want to minimize things without being too evasive and it helps to get things straight beforehand. I'll probably write out a timeline (for personal use of course).

I have a letter from pdoc to bring to my appointment. Tdoc said she would write me one as well. She said she would send it to me, but it hasn't arrived yet. I'm going to call her today in hopes she can get it to me by Saturday. I want them to know I discuss my drinking in therapy. They already know I'm bipolar, but those letters should at least help off-set any extra sessions mandated because I suffer from a mental illness.

I'm impressed by how well I compartmentalized… I only worried about the cyst, and as soon as that worry was over, I moved onto the evaluation.

I'm going to try not to make a big deal out of this. A big build up is just going to sabotage me for the appointment because I can't take any klonopin. I'm trying to view this as a conversation with an acquaintance- someone you can talk to easily, but don't want to reveal too many personal details to.

I am not even going to think about the results of the appointment… just a conversation with a friend for now, right?