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Member
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 214
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Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 214
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Thanks for the response Jake, yeah, I've been meditating for almost 2 years now, and have found it to be very helpful, but at times like this I just can't do it as well. It seems all the tools I've learned from therapy and meditation and things go out the window, and I'm just overcome with fear and grief and not being ok with the uncertainty of it all. I know it will pass, but in times like these I just feel so weak and like such a shell of the person I used to be.
I considered myself a strong person before, but clearly that strength was never tested all that much. I truly do marvel at how you've coped, having a limited understanding of your situation from reading your posts here. I'd like to say it gives me hope, and it does at times, but right now it just makes me feel bad about how I'm coping honestly.
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26 year-old PhD student in evolutionary biology, slipped on ice in Feb 2014 while clipping my fingernails and walking to save time (dumbest reason for PCS ever?). Initially just had headaches and didn't feel quite right, but a minor head bump 5 days later started a downward spiral of anxiety, depression, insomnia and fatigue. Had trouble concentrating on reading/looking at screens
April 2014 - did exertion test, passed, started exercising and doing more, but didn't feel much better.
May 2014 - Went on backpacking trip OK'd by doctor, trip itself went fine, but felt worse a few days after getting back, more difficulty concentrating, worse headaches.
June 2014 - Bumped head on ceiling walking slowly down stairs, no immediate symptoms, but caused worsening headahces, more difficulty concentrating and looking at screens. Have not felt as good as I did before this since this bump.
December 2014 - after feeling relatively better I went xc skiing and fell but didn't hit my head (something my psychologist who specializes in brain injuries told me he hoped would happen so I saw it was OK), felt worse
Feb 2015 - back in grad school, light teaching load and some research, nowhere close to operating at my full capacity. Still have constant headaches, difficulty reading/looking at screens, mild anxiety and depression, and just not feeling like my normal sharp self.
Trying, but struggling, to believe that I'll get back to my old self, or at least get close.
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