I hope you can turn the "faking" it into reality. 2015 really was a fork in the road as to how I was going to continue. Shingles, increased symptoms and decreased efficacy of meds I was on- I was not feeling chipper.

I am still not.

But, I decided to make changes to how I was approaching a few avenues in my life. Maybe I should have spaced it out more, but I think I have the makings of coping with progress going on. TBD, as shorthand goes.

But I don't think you should long term accept the "meh" of fake happy. I know the impossible feelings. I use a lot of mindfulness techniques and have spent so many of those nights I couldn't sleep and could get comfortable enough reading I ended up reading books by people who work through debilitating conditions.

I especially enjoyed Blindsided, by Richard M. Cohen. He has MS, but the lessons he teaches are universal. His style and tone might not be for everyone. I want to put on a pot of coffee and talk to the man for days.

I've had to put this down a few times to parent so I apologize if it is not cogent.

I hope it is. I also hope your windchill is above zero. It's cold here.


My best,

Jon