My loving girlfriend who has stuck by me through 16 months of this nightmare has told me she is not in love with me anymore. She is very depressed looking and says it's tough to be around me.

The stress this is causing me is unreal. I think that my angry outbursts are the reason for this but who knows? I couldn't control myself and now I'm losing my love. I think this will be the end of me. I'm still unable to do anything besides sit around and think. My light sensitivity is awful, the new glasses only help minimally and my brain can't handle conversations or podcasts let alone music.
I don't think I can bear to lose her. I won't be able to live with the memories and how she tried yet I kept acting like a psycho and kept taking this horrible condition out on her.

I really want to leave this world and perhaps meet back up with my brother and mom and two friends I lost earlier in life. At least I could escape this suffering and torture.

I sound like such a weakling but I am not. I just can't take this anymore. She had been the only reason to fight on and I blew it. I took her for granted. I pushed her away. I'm done for.