Such sadness
Utter sadness
How can one harbor such sadness on such a grand scale
I never know where to start
I just do do do
And forget about me
What and when will it be me me me
Everyone living life on life's terms
But this monkey ony back is killing it for me
The burden I give to You Father
I cannot anymore
And the more I say that
The more I do
Where is the relief
Where is the help
Where is the compassion
What is wrong with everyone
Just because I do does not mean I can
without mention
Oh once again
Invisible disease
Nobody sees you kind of thing
When someone want to give me a hug
I just cringe
This is me
I do not have the strength to hold my head upright
without it feeling like it were on a toothpick
A compromised toothpick
Get it
I need to lay it down
And being in bed until the medicines take over some of my pain do I can do what I want to without thought I cannot look up at one for to long it begins to hurt
Everything just hurts
Time to go to a pulmonary doctor
And cardiologist
Hands and feet still the same
Hardware becoming uncomfortable upon swallowing
Don't know what's going on with the thyroglossal duct cyst in my pivotal site of surgery level 5/6-6/7 was where plate screws and cage are
My cyst was active and could have been removed when having first surgery
It has been growing over the years and am wondering is this why I am not able to wear my soft collars
I miss them so much
Some very small things such as this bothers me when a doctor just pushes aside what is there a growing cyst
That was explained to be cancer causing
It happened during my time in my mothers womb
First trimester
Refers to some as a second set of tonsils
Point
S o m e t h i n g I s G o i n g O n
Now what is it
Please it is not in my kind
You can visually watch it happen
From the start and that be piercing pain then the rest is history including Video of it happening
Part of this belongs in "blessings"
So why did I come here and ask to be reminded of my blessings
I forget with the pain overriding ALL
I FORGET
ALL
EVERY MORNING
A FIGHT ONLY YOU KNOW
FATHER
TO TELL YOU
I DON'T WANT TO FEEL ANYMORE
IS ONLY UNDERSTOOD BY KNOWING MY HEART
I come to you many times in the day
Bless my family with better health
They have their own crosses to carry
Lift the pain so I can see my everyday blessings
Thank you for what you feed me today
Love
Me