Dear Eva,

I had a lot of responsibility put upon me when I was young, too. I started the cooking and cleaning very young. I cared for my family members in life, and in death. We learn these roles, in our cases, the care-takers, very early.

I'm also the child of two alcoholics, and I'm an alcoholic myself (over 6mo sober now). I have learned behaviors, but that doesn't absolve me of responsibility for my own actions. I will not lay the blame for all the mistakes I've made in my life at my parents' doorstep. My sister, a year older than me, grew up in the same home and she is a very sober person. I suppose some people are more predisposed to addiction than others.
Some parents are unable to accept any kind of responsibility for how their addictions may have been a factor leading to their children's addictions. You, on the other hand, seem to be continuously torturing yourself

I wish that all your children could see all the good that you have done for them, all that you have given up, and how much you love them. I wish you could feel the love and appreciation that you deserve wrapping around you like a warm, soft blanket. Please try to focus more on the little ones right now- the ones who show you that love and appreciation.

It's so hard to look backwards at the big picture
We can make things harder on ourselves by doing it too often

When I read your posts, I realize how hard your life has been, and I can feel how much pain you are in. I hate the though that you may be suffering like this everyday...
Please try your best to address the issues of the past in therapy and use the forum here to talk about the past and lean on us for support…
But please try to live more in the present, Eva. The past is tearing you apart right now

Kay