Thank you for the concern and greetings everyone
Sam,
When I say a better day, I don't meant that the fog went away. I mean that I was able to recognize and stop my anxiety with nothing but the power of my thoughts. I felt slightly more alive and even enjoyed myself a bit, in the fog. I wasn't able to do this today, sometimes it's harder to control my thoughts in my weakened mental state. I still consider it a success.
I know that it is incredibly hard to stay positive, when day after day it's the same. I've never been a particularly positive person myself. But I do remember how happy I used to be. The feelings may allude me, but the memories are there. And that is something worth fighting for.
I believe that you are on the right track with therapy. I believe that controlling your anxiety is step number one.
Increased depression and anxiety is a common side effect of brain injuries. And those with preexisting conditions (i.e. depersonalization) usually have those conditions intensified severely after the brain injuries. Whether or not you are still dealing with your injury, I believe that injury may have caused your condition.
Us intellectual folk usually associate ourselves with our intelligence, it's how we've always known ourselves to be. The simple post-concussion "daze" could be just that to most people, but to us, I feel as if it is something that we dwell on, and try to figure out, or to beat in some way. We are concerned about the compromised state of our intelligence, either consciously or subconsciously, and our anxious mind works effortlessly to fix something that, if we just give time, will fix itself. You brain then shuts off your emotional responses to things in order to "safeguard" your body, wreaking havoc on your mind.
Like I said before, I don't believe that the improvements will happen overnight, nor will they probably be very noticeable. That's why we need to concentrate on what we have the power to control, and nothing else. We can't get rid of the fog, but we sure can try our damndest to chip away at it one sliver at a time. One day it's not going to be able to withstand it any longer.
I wish you all the best kid, I really do. Make sure to continue to post updates. If I beat this demon before you, I promise I'll help you beat it too.
All I know is that it will not defeat me. I am the captain of my fate.
Good luck kid.
-Peter