Many of us are on a similar journey.

Mine began January 3rd when I overheated in a bath I routinely take for hemorrhoids. I fainted and struck my forehead on something. I wasn't out very

long,seconds perhaps; though dizzy and nauseous (like being intoxicated) I managed to resume my routine and get to bed telling myself everything will be OK.

Like most American workaholics, I continued working my fairly physically demanding job of diving dumpsters etc. collecting and selling recyclables. Note

that dumpster diving often has one inverting oneself: it is normal to nearly black out upon returning to upright if you do it quickly. I also continued the

hot baths and came a little close to overheating again a few times. I did not quite feel like everything was OK though my body seemed to function normally:

mild headaches and swelling, both in the ears(which I think I already had) and, seemingly, in the cranium, at night, and relapses of the dizziness and nausea

throughout the first week. I was also hamnmered with nasty cold weather that week; rough. As always, I "pushed through" it.

The original symptoms faded by the second week but a new set of symptoms crept up on me, as I still continued working a full schedule and "pushing through":

a kind of jelly leg feeling, arms too occasionally, increasing irritability and inability to handle all the little stressful things I normally deal with in a

day. Although actually there was some sign of this early, in the first week, but I don't remember as much of it.

Monday the 1st day of week three (MLK Day), I guess I'd have to say my nerves broke down. The very minute I started my route I felt tense and anxious; after

my run (part of the route) it got worse, especially suffering the cold weather I could feel my high blood pressure(bp), though I didn't know that's what it

was, my head unusually explosive during a dive, slightly faint; finally I realized something is really wrong. Turns out by bp was FIFTY units higher than my

usual excellent level (I'm healthy and fit). It came back down as the day progressed and I still finished my route, puzzled that my actual body performance

did not seem to agree with how I felt.

Since then, as I write just past the 5th week, I have not done any full routes, just occasional walking or light work interspersed with days not even

venturing out of the house. The hot baths are carefully controlled with a thermometer. On Saturday of the 4th week I suffered another CONK! on the top of

the head by a recycling bin lid that the wind blew open at a most inopportune time. I'm not sure if that made my problem worse, it was not a stunning blow,

but the following week I did suffer from my first anxiety attack (Th. afternoon), abnormal bp elevation and all, since MLK Day, plus another close call to

an attack (Sa.) Anxiety attacks have this odd property of increasing my blood pressure but my pulse doesn't go with it (so, not a panic attack, but these

are awful too: you lose desire for food, things become deadly serious, nothing is funny, nothing interesting; often feels like a life deciding moment is

coming up and nothing else matters. Then I think about it and just stress me out even further--a vicious cycle.)

I come into this with preexisting conditions. My own personality plays a role in what I'm suffering, I suspect. I'm an anxious person by nature. I've had

a phobia of heights and travel for decades; I've suffered depression and panic attacks (I like to call DPA), though not in recent years until all this. I

have bad habits of hyper-focusing on symptoms, too much looking for negatives, and tend to push myself too hard sometimes, like a lot of Americans. Two of

my siblings are on anti-depressants; conversations with a third convince me she has anxiety and hyper-focus issues as well.

There's also lots of stressful things preceding my mtbi . . and my current disorder bears a striking resemblance to all the krap I had just gone through.

First there was the stress of trying to care for my ailing mom, several months. Then depression and sadness following her passing in August. Then a

harrowing encounter with not-that-great medical care in a small town. During this period my bp was moderately elevated and I suffered a lot of anxiety.

That got resolved but my relief was soon ended by a lot of anxiety about my inability to get a colonoscopy . . That gradually faded, but then the hemorrhoids

that had been developing since October got bad enough that I had to stop this one exercise I was doing for my psoas muscle. . and I was depressed and

fearful over that, for I regarded the hemmorhoids as a threat to my work and I didn't want to do anything surgical. This is what brought on the hot baths,

which btw have so far been pretty effective.

The difference between now and before is that before, I could handle it, and my anxiety or depression was natural, justified. Now, when my brain tires, very

much like what many of you report, I can't handle it. I get impatient, irritable, almost childish . . and realize how many little stressful things we deal

with normally (cf. MissMarch1978's posts). Now I'm vulnerable to attacks which seem senseless, random, almost motivated by some unseen entity. Fortunately

the attacks are my only really debilitating symptom . . my cognitive abilities, balance etc. seem fully intact. So light, reading, computer screens etc.are

not my triggers; emotional stressors are. Thoush I ask: are reading and internet activity tiring to the brain?

Like several of you, hope dimmed for me because last week (5th) I seem to have gotten worse.

I've read a lot of Mark's incredible advice and I wonder if my normal routine of eating but once a day--which I have done for decades--might be an

impediment--though my diet is excellent, except I don't need that much food!--for I notice my brain seems generally weaker late (afternoons;I eat at 3 pm) in

the cycle. Or, if I should perhaps shut down more, like many of you are learning to do. Would being very skinny mean one better eat more throughout the

day? I did eat more often until last week and I didn't notice any difference. I read that periods of fasting help build BDNF.

I live alone in a big house. I used to be fine alone a lot, but now I see what they mean when they say friends and family are important.

My internet service is poor so I will respond if needed but not with lightning promptness. Take care all of you.