Quote:
Originally Posted by OhKay
I choose to suffer alone because I know my husband won't understand what I'm going through, I can't predict how he'll react, and I want to protect him. I tell him only what he needs to know. I do have a couple of confidants, but I can't share everything with them. I rely heavily on the support I receive on the bipolar forum.
Choosing to suffer alone is a hard way to live. It's much easier to face problems when there's a support system in place. Isolation leads to feelings of loneliness, which is yet another issue to deal with.
Are you allowed any privacy if you feel you need to cry? It is a good way to release emotion, and many people feel better after a good cry.
I can under stand not wanting to get trapped in the 504 plan. It shows that you are optimistic that treatment will help you, and when you feel better you don't want to continue to be treated as someone who still has problems. As long as your teachers understand, and you are able to find accommodations outside of a 504 plan, I can understand you rejecting it.
I understand your frustration… sometimes life can be so overwhelming that everything can become a chore. It's a common symptom of depression. And when life becomes unbearable, it's natural to ask "why me?" Of course, there is not answer to this question, but when I find myself asking it, the only thing that has worked for me is trying to remind myself of others who are much less fortunate than myself.
Hang in there Sam  |
Thank you for this post OhKay.
I am allowed privacy in my room, that's where I normally cry. But when I was writing that last post I was on the computer in my "family" room you could say. Basically the computer is in the middle of the room and if I started balling no one would understand why. Plus no one really in my house understands my suffering besides my mom. Everyone else just thinks I have anxiety... not knowing the horrible nightmare state I am in 24 hours of the day.
I just don't know. At this point in the game it's so hard for me to rap my brain around on what the hell is going on.
Therapy is not really working yet. All the techniques we are trying to try to reduce the depersonalization do nothing..
I have so much I want to tell my therapist, I want to tell her all my social issues with my friends, all my past memories, all my worries, I just want to cry and tell her EVERYTHING. But I can't. I just don't feel that comfortable with her yet. Especially this week. She wants me to hang out with my friends but what she really does not know is that I have none.
I just want her to understand what I'm going through, and I feel like If I could get the courage to tell her everything she would realize what I'm dealing with is much worse than it appears and maybe have a different approach on therapy?
I don't know. I JUST DON'T KNOW ANYMORE! Those are the words I constantly say on a daily basis. Nothing freaking makes sense to me now. I have so many questions and don't know any of the answers.