I saw a psychiatrist for about six months in year 3. I tried amitriptyline for almost 3 weeks but the side effects were way to much for me to handle.

Then I was on Valdoxan (Agomelatine) for about 2 months. Didn't help much with the depression but did help slightly with the sleep. Stopped because cost of psychiatrist and Valdoxan were too high and the benefits too low.

The psychiatrist was not really helpful. He'd just sit and listen.....i kept waiting for the plan of action or a diagnosis of some sort so we can figure out what we were fighting.

But he was just an expensive listener that would finish the session off with "chin up, think positive and everything will get better"

It hasn't.

I've had depressive episodes here and there. I know what they feel like, they don't affect my symptoms. They kinda nestled up next to them with their own symptoms. They usually clear out like an unwanted guest after a few days. I can usually weather them.

But this outburst is fuelled by the fragility of my life. It seems like my sensitivity to flair ups has been increasing steadily. Every month that passes I can handle less and less.

I've been in a slump for 3 days now and it's feeling like a particularly bad one. Hence the outburst.

I'm scared I won't be able to shake it. I'm really struggling to see a light at the end of the tunnel.