Originally Posted by windseeker242

Hello All.

I am 28

I started posting here about 4 years ago when I first got PCS. I was 24 years old.

I suffered a concussion falling off my skateboard in December 2011
I recovered in 16 days

February 29th 2012 I got "bumped" on my head and my symptoms started to creep back in. It took about a month for them to reach their zenith.

For the next 2 years I saw a slow recovery.

For the last 2 years I feel like I've slowly been getting sicker.

I've lost all my friends. My relationship with my family is severely strained.
I feel empty inside.

Should I just let go of expecting to recover?
My life consists of working to survive and then resting so I can go to work again the next day. I mean that literally. I come home from work and go straight to bed so that I can make it to work again the next day.

I can't stop working or I will starve.

I guess I don't really have a question here......I'm just hitting the wall where I can't hold it together anymore. I can't take it anymore. I'm afraid I am going to be sick like this until the time comes where I'm too sick to even get out of bed.

Movies were my primary "getaway" and even now I can't watch a couple kiss on screen or watch the "hero" do something cool.....I feel barraged by images of things I can never have or do.

I don't want to become a burden on my family.
I want to find love, a girlfriend but then I am paralyzed by fear that I am cursing someone else to a lifetime of caretaking.

I feel like I've died and haven't realized it yet. Sometime I wish I did die when I hit my head.

Life no longer feels like an adventure. It feels like a sentence.


Symptoms (I know your all going to ask)
Fatigue: mental and physical

If I do "too much"
Be it talking or walking or watching movies, I'll wake up the next morning feeling like I've been hit by a truck. My head is super foggy. Lights and sounds are overwhelming. My muscles and joints ache. I'll stutter and slur when I talk.

I describe it to the non-pcs'ers as "It feels like a flu and a hangover at the same time"

Really the "issue" is the sensitivity to bumps and exertion.
My weight has wasted away. I am skin and bones now.

I can't exercise, hold a long conversation.........anything stimulating really.

Driving is difficult for me. Hitting potholes or g-forces from acceleration or deceleration flair up my symptoms.


I feel like I'm cursed to "live" without being able to "live"
I feel like I'm waiting to die.

I'd take my life but I'm too much of a coward to do so.
I don't want to die.
I'm not ready to die.

I am afraid.

I'll be 29 this fall. Soon entering my 30's with no savings, assets or romantic interests.

Is this going to be the rest of my life?

I've spent countless hours googling the research and "potential treatments" but none of them are conclusive.

I keep hoping someone is going to have a breakthrough but when?

Will the breakthrough occur when I'm in my mid 40's and can't remember my own name?

I'm afraid of slipping into dementia without ever having really lived.

Again: I don't know why I'm writing this. There is no real question in here. We all know the realities of this condition. I feel like I'm whining and complaining.

Could somebody lie to me and tell me everything is going to be ok?