Dear Alaina,

I am so sorry to hear you are suffering the other impacts that go along with chronic pain. The relationship issues that develop with family and friends, that no matter how hard they try to be understanding, just do not relate since they do not experience what you do.

I liked Pamela June's "put a pebble in his shoe" message.

You are going through a lot right now in addition to your chronic pain issues. Losing some docs, changing meds, are contributing to your hopeless feelings right now.

I don't know your husband so I can't speak for him or his state of mind but looking at it from what "may" be his perspective, it sounds like he may be as frustrated as you are with finding help for your condition. He must feel somewhat helpless that HE can't make things better for you and that frustration comes out in all the wrong ways. Just like the sufferer of chronic pain, the spouses, also want their loved one back to the way they were.

These conditions take a lot of "adjusting" not only for the person afflicted but for their families as well. Everyone that we have in our lives becomes affected by our conditions to some degree. They need to adjust as well. Some work harder on that than others and sometimes we will lose some friends along the journey.

I feel sure that my family thoughts when I first become "disabled", were that I was just being lazy, depressed, a whinny baby, etc. It took a LONG time before they realized the reality of the situation. That I was NOT being lazy, that I was incapable of doing things.

When accused of being "depressed" by a family member, as if THAT was my problem and nothing else,..... I asked them, "If your life was as limited as mine, wouldn't that depress YOU?" Their opinion slowly changed to realize that there was an answer to which came first the chicken or the egg. In this scenario, it is not chickens and eggs, it is illness and depression. In MY case, the illnesses have caused my bouts with depression which thankfully are few and far between and very short lived. My family member had believed that depression was causing my lack of ability.

It took a litany of items that have disappeared from my life before, stating them one by one, and asking my family member how that would make THEM feel before they finally got the message.

I am not sure if it was the fact that I had spelled it out in plain English or if the fact that my family member began to have their own chronic pain issues, but the point was finally received.

It really is difficult for those that have NOT experienced it to understand and accept what is happening in our lives.

You have been a tremendous support for others here on NT and I hope that we can be the same for you as you go through these difficult times. I feel confident that once you have all the proper tools in place, things will improve for you. The proper tools being the right physicians and medications.

I hope your husband will become more empathetic and understanding. It is difficult for them to make the adjustments to YOUR new life as it is happening to you and hard for them to accept that.

Please keep us posted and remember that everyone is entitled to a little pity party every now and then. Have a good cry when needed, then pick yourself back up and fight the fight. We are here for you as you have been for us.