I have had crps for 7 years, I've accepted that I have it and its never going away, but yet accepting it hasn't helped my emotions about it what so ever.
When I was 11, I didn't understand what was happening to me, I just knew I was in pain. After getting diagnosed about a month after the pain started (which I was very lucky to be diagnosed so early) they wanted me to start PT. I remember going to my first appointment, and the man telling my mom that he can't help me because I was in too much pain to handle the exercises, so we went home. By this time it was about a month before Christmas, but my doctor wanted me to go to a program that was 2 weeks in patient and 1 week out patient. For obvious reasons I asked to wait till January because I wanted to be around for Christmas. I was happy to be home, but then a week before Christmas our house got robbed and they stole my Nintendo DS, which being 11 was the coolest thing ever, they also took some Christmas presents that were under the tree. I became super depressed, but for some reason not because we were robbed but because of my crps, Im not sure why, but I was. And that was the first time I felt depression over my illness.
After I went threw the program I was walking again, and things were going back to normal except I couldn't be in gym class or recess (which I hated both anyways) the rest of the 6 or so years after that things were okay, I had flare ups but they never lasted to long and things were good. Then fast forward to today, I've been I'm a flare for close to 8 months now, I had to move back in with my mother after I finally was starting to feel independent, I had to quick my job, drop out of high school, I have lost all my friends, I never leave the house. My crps has spread to both legs and my stomach, I haven't been able to eat or drink in about 2 months, I'm confined to the length of my feeding tube. Not a signal treatment has helped me. Even being on 5 different strong opioids going threw a picc line didn't even affect me at all. Now I just sit here and wait for a call from a doctor, the last call he told me I could be waiting for a month to a year, maybe even years, before I can get any treatment because my insurance is fighting the doctors saying I don't need any treatment. I'm skipping back into depression, I notice how easily I can hide it though...no one notices, and I don't want them to. Im so depressed that I can't even cry, if that makes sense at all. My doctors have to me that I need to prepare myself for a life of being in a wheelchair. I'm only 18...I feel like Ive lost everything. I was so independent, I was out of my mom's house, I had a job, I was making money, I even bought a turtle, I felt so independent I felt like I was finally making something of myself.
When I was in high school, I was hardly even there because I was always staying at home, or in the hospital for one thing or another, I was so jealous of my friends at the time, when I dropped out I only had enough credits to be considered a 9th grader when I should have been in 11th. Everyone was getting their license, planning for colleges, and I was sick, depressed and jealous.
When I started being independent I felt like I was going to make up for my high school times. But now I'm falling behind again. I still haven't got my GED, I still haven't even got my temps.
I feel like a failure, I feel that I've failed my life, and I just want to give up....