Dear Kitty,

I feel so moved by your letter.

It is a sign of real strength to ask for help, as you have here....I think it is time to ask for more help from those around you.

I know what you are feeling...it is not self-pity...you are obviously a very vital, insightful, and intelligent young woman caught in a really bad situation. ....now...just..now. It changed for you once and can again. You have not "failed" in any way....you just got sick. It happens...and, luckily, your prognosis is not fixed in any way....You can recover. There are always second and third chances for the things you feel you are missing...an ocean of time....but now it is just time to focus on getting better....physically and emotionally.

This is not a time to put on a "brave" front. You say you are depressed and can't cry....this is very important information to share with your family/caregivers. . Tonight if you can. You have written...continue to do so....but it is essential to have someone knowledgeable about illness and depression to talk to...preferably face-to-face. So I'm suggesting you tell your family you feel like you're in a crisis....see what can be arranged in terms of getting a counselor to you.... (or via Skype) asap.

In addition, perhaps you can also reach out to a teacher or counselor at your school to help you with this.

Do you have a doctor you trust? It's time to share your feelings....

You are in a flare.....it can change. You've asked about Ketamine I see....well this can be an option for you.....there are other options...and it can be very helpful to have a counselor advocate for you....

Please try and be open about how you feel to get the help you need.....depression and pain are so interrelated....both must be treated...but first you must tell those who love and are treating how you feel....


Sylvie