Dear Kitty,
There is a big difference between complaining and sharing. I think you really needed to let some of that out. This is a safe place to come and do that. We understand and support you. It does get frustrating and the sadness and losses are real. They need a voice, you can't hang on to that stuff all the time.
Please know that we appreciate how hard it is sometimes to open up about things. Most people can't really understand what it is like to go through so much. Even I can't understand just what you're going through, but I know what it is to have your life irrevocably changed by tragedy. We can at least help you carry your burden by understanding what serious loss is like. Come and share sometimes. It's okay.
Thanks for checking back in. It is good to hear from you. But please don't worry about giving a perfect response.
If you decide to work with a therapist, there is no need to re-hash your whole life. They can help you deal with the now and only visit your past if a specific belief from then is impacting you currently.
Sending enough hugs for the day and through the night,