I woke up feeling okay, but I got caught up in the seroquel hangover yesterday and I felt off for the rest of the day. Everything felt surreal and I was dragging ***.

I don't think poison control will call me back. When I called there was a ton of noise in the background (people having fun) and I could barely hear the girl. I don't remember if she took my info or not and she was a little rude.

I really don't remember much about my first time in the psych ward because I was so far gone… I lost about two weeks, but I can't imagine I was a happy camper without my cigarettes. When I went in for 11 days at the end of July for agitated mania it was brutal not having my butts because my psychomotor agitation was so bad I had been smoking 3-4 packs a day. They put 2 patches on me! I had nothing to do with my hands, so I kept playing with my chapstick. And I had to be on decaf at first to "reduce stimulation."

I spoke to my counselor yesterday. I guess one of the things drunk.org wants me to do is to show I've attended AA or another alcohol support group meeting, and I have to do it before I can complete the counseling and "treaty". Finding out 24 hours beforehand is less than convenient. There were meetings at 12 and 2pm yesterday but I had a GYN appointment at 1pm. There are appointments at the same time today, but my appointment with the counselor is from 11-12pm. Hopefully I can go to the 2pm meeting today and have the person running it sign off for me and I can get it to her afterwards… I can't see her objecting to that… Although mailing it to her rather than hand delivering it would save me $30. Going to the 12pm meeting tomorrow would be even better… I've had a lot of excitement lately.

My GYN was very understanding about not changing my birth control despite the cysts because of my bp. She really got my "If it ain't broke, don't fix it," mentality and didn't push me an inch. If anything suspicious turns up on the PAP this time, I'm going to forgo further testing and just have the abnormal tissue removed outpatient, but she said everything looks good to her. I should have my results within a week. I'm still not going to freak out. I'm getting it taken care of early. My mother ignored the issue so it progressed to cervical cancer, and she had to have a hysterectomy.

After my appointment, I had the cab drop me off at the leasing office and I walked back to my apartment. I am so deconditioned! I was doing a good job of taking care of my body in the fall, but I guess I just gave up on that. I need to start getting on the exercise bike more often (even if it hurts), and I need to get out of this apartment more. I guess I'll make a weekly round trip to the leasing office to put money on the laundry card a goal. I'm about 15lbs heavier than I want to be, but this isn't about weight. My gait is off and I have like zero endurance. It's so bad I may have to go back to pool therapy PT… we'll see what I can do on my own.