i'm so sorry you are suffering so much on a daily basis. i also have a very painful chronic illness too with no cure called rsd/crps. i've had it for five years and one month now and i struggle every day to just get out of bed shower dress and eat. its not the active life i used to have prior to rsd, but i figure there is a reason this happened to me and i try to use the pain i feel every day to help educate others on this rare condition as well as try to help others who are suffering with chronic pain by just letting them know i am here if they need a shoulder to lean on. it is never too late to live your life over again. it may be different then is was before you got sick but you still can have a purpose. the mere fact that you get out of bed each day and are reaching out to others on NT shows that you still have a purpose and you still matter in this life we live. making the most of what we have and helping others one day at a time is what gives me the strength to keep trying. you can do it too. you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. i read that somewhere and it helps me keep going. i hope you feel better soon both physically and emotionally. i hope always remember that you matter in this world! soft hugs my friend.