The weather is gloomy
Yet I am not visited by doom
My gut is rid for a little bit of time now
Something I welcome
The weather is crushing my head bones
all over
But this I understand
My withdrawal symptoms very much alive
I still in awe at everything
Yesterday on the phone
a passionate conversation
Had still a half hour to go for afternoon meds
this is when my second dose of Xanax is
I was walking around the house when in conversation
I had to sit and pay very close attention to my breathing
I did not feel well
My chest heavy pounding heart arrhythmia
very scary
As I feel ju the have dose take affect on my body father then brain
How screwed up is that
I need the blanking thing more fore my body reacting to the decrease
I have a good sense of self once it is in my system
It is going to take a long time getting it out of my body
In awe how that horrible feeling I would carry around with me
all day is lifted
I still think about my shrink
and his phone message left after I fired him
He failed me
Failed me
And he knows it
He was suppose to help me get better and feel better
Instead he did not care
How can a doctor this is not just my first experience but so many that I have seen since becoming ill with my spine
My neck was crushed
I had no choice according to two doctors I needed surgery
Oh what I would do to take it back
So many failed me
Blatantly for that matter
My breast reconstructive doctor had his partner come in
and show him what a good job he had done
A. I am larger than I was originally
My breasts were large B small C
They are a large D
My left side was the reason for my visit to his office
because only two years latter being sent back to him by
Oncologist it clearly was defective
Oh god and how he tried to sell me his bull crap

I am so disappointed in all doctors of my past
So glad to have fired them
My surgeon
I know I am on his mind
That's if his ego is as big as I know it is
I know I am branded in his brain
I know my words ring in his ear

I do not go to bed with him at night
And I no longer wake up with him on my mind
He does not consume my brain

Taking the missing folate
Gave me a sense of rebirth
A life
A life with much adversities
But can push forward with it in a better frame of mind
How did this happen
I can say with complete confidence I did the work myself after the finding did extensive research and have been feeling 99.999% better
I kid you not
I would never do that
FOR ME IT TOOK "FOLATE"
after finding the mutation
I have changed just a few simple things
And got dramatic physical most importantly a feel of mental well being
And if I told you all how quickly I had begun to feel the change
You wouldn't believe it
Or think i to be psychosomatic in it all
I tell you not
To myself I am true
To my friends I want to share the good stuff for a change
It is springtime
The air and sun giving that good feel stuff
May you all find the root of what I understand as deep depression
is taken seriously by doctors
I want those to get the same benefit from just a small thing such as introducing folate into my body and it feels GOOD
WHY WOULD I NOT SHARE IT WITH OTHERS
it may have been something that simple
Yet for me
LIFE-CHANGING
take care of
YOU
love
Me