when not allowing negative crap come my way

having to be a teacher
all my life
to my children
now my grandchild
weak i am physically
but mentally with it
this no one will ever know or understand
it has been a heck of a bumpy ride
each time i get stronger
and empowering myself
giving myself the confidence needed to tackle
all the adversities put in my life
times when i took my will into my own hands
and it be the hardest road i would travel
it took time for me to get it
and when i began asking for Your guidance
it is easier knowing i am doing everything possible
i am much stronger in my faith
having been given free will
i tried my very best never hurting ones feelings
and if it happened
i am sorry
but the world has become a place that has lost their way
many who have forgotten
we are responsible
with goodness in our hearts
not to harm one another
people have become so extremely superficial
for what
at the end of the day
i know as i am aware and conscious when making
such drastic ways such as cutting out the problems that come with getting to know someone
my heart not feeling badly but does feel sadness
this is me
this is how i protect myself from persons who prey on others
i do not like it when one will manipulate another and it become abusive behavior
i am so vigilant about standing in the truth
and what does that mean
not to manipulate whatever situation put before me to handle
tackle call it what you may
it is the twisting of one's words for example
this to suit oneself of the truth
a white lie is a lie
at the end of the day
i hope to have been inspirational rather than manipulative
and to be in the company with another
i find the truth
and the truth not be mine
but Jesus and his teachings
loyal i will continue to speak the truth of the Lord
for when in his company in his frame of works
not only do i feel good my being is at peace
and then to have someone try to take that away from me
all hell breaks loose
and then it becomes hurtful sad and not allowed in my life
it being a life i lived a life and path i took
and to say i haven't learned anything at this point and time
in my life is ridiculous
having mostly sad feelings in my very young life
and taken into my young adult life
and having to be strong for me and my sister who got so much less of the beatings
as i would step in protecting her when we were little girls
robbed at our natural process into womanhood taken by our father
a screwed up start in life i know
but made me who i am today
and i like who i am today
persons when i let them can be very very hurtful
and when it's done for turd and giggles
blows me away
i am not full of myself
but do fill myself with the Lord
and what teachings he has given me and the rest
of the world to turn to
all by choice
given free will
my will for good only
this is who i am
this is the way i live my life
minding my business
paying close attention to my character defects
pray my lineage heals
as i am not a perfect person
i too a sinner
but turn and ask for mercy and forgiveness
i like who i am today
i hope God is pleased
love
me