Father
Brother
Mother Mary

I had five very interesting phone conversation
Having my mother call me
And after opening up my door and heart to her
Told her I will not be a secret
She tells me I don't want him to know I came to your home
Still with these conditions
Father I have been a good daughter
To have a mother like mine
Not easy
To get her love
Not possible
She is self absorbed
Not to mention a addict now
My mother
Who would have figured
I called her on it
Told her I had seen her get out of control
with the help a friend who started her on the road to
disaster
She did not know it could get as bad as she did
And told her it wasn't her fault
She didn't know
But true
Father she says she is in pain
I do not doubt her
As it is her side of the family that we are who we are
All
the bone spine heart blood pressure kidney failure
List goes on an on
I am listening to my body
It is in a very bad way
Invisible to the eye for others
until they look into my eyes
Taking my picture
Most of the you can see me crying inside with the pain
It is not in my head
As matter of fact my head hasn't been in such a good place in I can't tell you how long
Well actually that day was the day before I laid down to take a five hour sleep before going to work at night with my city
11:00 PM to 6:00 AM
that was the last day
Seven years ago
In that time I have been to over thirty doctors
Over THIRTY
In the last seven years
Father except for one doctor my skin specialist
Dr. Ester Hershenboum (spelling?) who asked what had happened
I told her the problems I was left to live with

Turns our she too had a personal experience with Dr. P
Her son was in terrible shape
And went on to describe his demeanor
And challenged his therory
Did not disclose she was a doctor herself
Picked her son up
And walked out
Now
Father
I did my homework
I have heard he was a reputable doctor
And warned of his bedside manners
Something I was willing to overlook
If he was as good as they say

He lied to me after my second surgery
Could not look me in the eye
He knew what I was talking about
I heard him while under
Speak to either himself
Over me I hear
With my neck sliced open
"Take a look at this mess"
I do not doubt myself
As my son at two remembers he woke up when tvey took his tonsils out and ad adenoids removed
I was told he stirred

When I think of all the STUFF
UNBELIEVABLE I MIGHT ADD
PRETTY WEIRD STUFF
ALMOST TO THE POINT ONE COULD THINK
and I do not believe this
A curse was put on the family
I refer to it on a nicer note
"Bad luck"

I choose to
BELIEVE
BELIEVE that there is a better way
and in the end of the day nothing to worry about
For I am on a spirit filled road
As Jesus has it covered
Letting go
And letting God
Amen
Blessed I am to have The Lord in my life
Amen
Love
Me