Thank you for all of your suggestions and support. I often wake up cursing my undeadness as well or like this morning when my husband asked how he could help I said kill me now and end my shame. Them I go read to my son to wake him up and feel hopeful again.

I am volunteering at my son's school to read to children who need extra help. I start Friday.

My biggest problem that causes my depression is fecal incontinence. I's been 18 months so far and it keeps me tethered to my home. I was finally sent to Stanford and am in the process of testing and have a surgical consult next month.

Btw what is secondary progressive with out progression?