Dear Alaina,

I am so glad you were able to get away to a place of respite and security. Having that time of peacefulness is a reminder of how life can be without some of the stress you are facing. When we are under duress over a long period it is difficult to remember a happier state of being. Take this trip as a reminder of what is possible and what you deserve to have. I think now that you have made the first excursion it will be easier to do it again. You know what to expect physically and what wonderful emotional environment you are going into. There is a saying in Latin "Ubi bene, ibi patria" - where you feel good, there is your country. Make the memory of those good feelings and that healthy environment a touchstone. Those feelings give you something to strive for. You know now that they are still within you, just buried under too much yuck.

On a practical note, I am so glad that you have option to stay longer if necessary. That gives you much more freedom in choosing what is best for you. It may be that you decide to take a more extended time away for greater clarity. It would be interesting to see how your pain reduces and what physical healing is possible when you are under less stress.

It is good too that you had those hard conversations with your therapist. That kind of work can be draining but it is so important to really bring those issues to the fore and examine in the light.

Alaina, I know that you face many challenges right now, but you are not without power. You can still change the reality that you are facing. I know that you love your husband and when marriages don't work out it is tragic. However, you deserve, and for your health must have, a partner who is able to be there for you emotionally and financially. That precludes using precious resources for alcohol and substance abuse. It precludes alcohol and substance abuse period. Nor is verbal abuse acceptable. You cannot do this work alone. I pray your husband finds the strength to get back on track and be there for you. You need nourishment of body and soul, no more burdens or strife....

Sending much love and many hugs your way,