It is thirty six years today my father killed himself
in or second family ford white station wagon

Wondering what is up in the afterlife

Wondering if any regrets

Wondering if he knows I am not okay with what he stole from me
when I was a little girl

Wondering what my mother is thinking

Wondering g if my sisters are alright today

Wondering why it had to happen around the block from our home

Wondering if my uncle is thinking of him and him not taking it seriously because he cried wolf so many times

Wondering if he felt I was ready to confront him with what he did to me

Wondering how a parent can look at their children
CHILDREN and abuse them and strip me of my
natural process to womanhood

Wonder what happened to him to have become that monster

Wonder why my mother turned her head the other way

Wonder why my mother still wants a relationship with me in
secret

Wondering what ever happened to the note

Wondering if she kept it

Wondering what was going through his mind

Wondering what he looked like when he was found by municipal
workers collecting garbage

Wondering what is going on with my boy
He cut his ties with me
Have no clue why
But was born on this day
His birthday

Wondering how things got to where they are now

Wonder if he know I am done trying to keep us together as a family

Wondering if to much time goes by
If I will want them to even bother
One just gets used to the way it is
I have no control over him
Never did

Wonder if my lineage will die out

Wonder if I can hang on long enough to
see things work out with everyone

Wondering if I will ever experience
Love
For a partner in my life in the end
to be happy with

Wondering if my father regrets any of it

Wondering what devestation has come to this family
Over and over and over again

Wondering if I will ever meet him again

Still wonder
Why